Life Lesson #0036: Mortality

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Mortality is among the many concepts with which my relationship has changed dramatically in the past few years.

A Mormon tends to be cultivated to treat their mortal life as a tiny step in their journey to the stars.

It’s no surprise, then, that having grown up a Mormon, I thought ending my life a full 44 years before the average person passes away was better than living as something my small world told me was anathema to goodness.

I have an innate desire to be a good guy. All I wanted then was to do what is good. I thought I was inherently not good because it had become clear that I was gay, and only in death would I cease to be something opposing goodness.

Where goodness used to be my primary focal point for progression, now it’s a lot more about happiness and contributing to happiness of fellow humans.

Thus I feel a duty to share with others that some Mormons—those who are lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, intersex or otherwise find themselves inherently different from whatever the perceived norm for a “child of God” is supposed to be—are being raised in a manner that is literally killing them. Even from times of their early childhood, they’re taught to fear characteristics and traits innate to who they are. I don’t believe a loving Father of all humanity would simply ignore that a system established in an attempt to serve his goals for happiness for his children is killing young kids and adults and seriously squelching the happiness of many others.

That said, I personally don’t believe in the God of the Mormon church at all. Mortality has become an earthly scientific certainty to me. I want to create the best life I can for the remaining 41 years that I might expect as a normal, average, human. I get a shot at those years because my brain rejected the idea that killing myself was the path to more goodness. Living a good life should never involve ending it early because others tell you your feelings, experiences, and characteristics are neither real nor valid, and definitely not capable of being beautiful expressions of the human experience.  I want to do what I can to encourage others to seek happiness for their fellow human neighbors on this planet. Stop telling them what’s good for them when you cannot stand in their shoes. Just listen and you can help them find their way having a shot at living their lives to more natural (and hopefully good and happy) conclusions. They deserve that.

A little over three years ago, I was a struggling LGBT adult, raised a Mormon, and I wanted to kill myself. Today I am a happy LGBT adult, and I can’t wait to live more and more each day. If the Mormon church doesn’t change its relationship with people like me, how can they be upset with people like me that change our relationship with it to save our lives?

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